What is Normal Grief? - written by Associate Therapist Cady Brimacombe

Grief hurts, is intense, and can make us feel like we are losing control over our sense of self. Grief is not a single emotion, but a web of physical, emotional, and spiritual feelings that occur after a meaningful loss (Morrow, 2022). This web of grief can be confusing. You might be asking, is my grief normal? What is normal grief?

Normal Grief

Grief certainly does not feel normal, but there is such a thing as normal grief (Truitt, 2024). The intense emotional stress from grief can result in physical symptoms like fatigue, nausea, weight changes, or aches and pain. Emotions can be varied and intense ranging from guilt to relief, and anger to happiness. The volatility of these emotions can feel exhausting and like you can’t trust yourself anymore. You might feel numb, irritable or sensitive, or have increased anxiety. You might feel confused and forgetful. Brain fog and difficulty remembering is known as “grief brain” which is a survival mechanism where your nervous system and cognitive function shifts to protect you from the emotional trauma of the loss (American Brain Foundation, 2021). Grief brain can be disorienting and make you feel helpless. Just know that it typically goes away on its own within 6 months to a year (Pedersen, 2022). With normal grief you may also sense the presence of your loved one through voices or images, and it might feel difficult to move on for fear of losing your connection to them. There may be changes in your beliefs and values, or you might want to withdraw from social activities with friends and family. This can leave you questioning your self identity, where the past version of yourself no longer fits but you are not yet sure who the new version of you is. Normal grief is a complex web of feelings and symptoms.

What is normal grief?

● Physical symptoms (e.g. fatigue, nausea, weight changes, aches and pain)

● Intense emotions (e.g. anger, relief, guilt, loneliness, sadness, happiness)

● Numbness

● Forgetfulness or confusion

● Irritability or heightened sensitivity

● Increased anxiety

● Difficulty or fear about moving on

● Feeling the presence of a loved one

● Increased isolation or social withdrawal

● Changes in identity, beliefs, values, and worldview

Although normal grief does not feel normal, it will shift over time. Your grief may also show up differently depending on the type of loss. Your grief may never go away fully, but you might find that you think about it less, it feels less intense, or you are finding more stability in your daily life. If you are having a hard time with your grief, know that you can reach out for professional support. You do not have to go through your grief alone.

References

American Brain Foundation. (2021, September 29). Healing your brain after loss: How grief rewires the brain. https://www.americanbrainfoundation.org/how-tragedy-affects-the-brain/

Morrow, A. (2022, November 25). Differences between normal and complicated grief. VeryWell

Health. https://www.verywellhealth.com/grief-and-mourning-process-1132545

Pedersen, T. (2022, May 6). What does grief do to your brain? PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/lib/your-health-and-grief#what-is-grief-brain

Truitt, K. (2024). 10 Weird things that are perfectly normal in grief. Truitt Institute.